When our personal lives get complicated our anxiety peaks which enables the eating disorder to take control. It’s also why it’s so tough to reach recovery.Read More
Why? Why do you need to bring up the calories in my meal or my drink? Hard no there. Just stop. Let me live my life.Read More
Please note- This is fucking hard when you have a body image issue.
For years I avoided all beach trips and bathing suit outings. I look back with such regret. I can’t say I’m strutting around in a tiny bikini but I’m thankfully at a point in recoveryRead More
That no matter how recovered you are, the eating disorder can always come back. It’s the strangest experience to explain, because when I fall into a dip, it’s so easy to entirely jump in despite just how strong or far along I am in recovery.Read More
It took everything in my power to not throw my face into that toilet. (Ew, I mean at the hotel now, not on the airplane. I do have some standards…)Read More
My hope for NEDA Awareness Week is for people to see that eating disorders don’t have a specific body type, that recovery isn’t just about eating more food & if we start a conversation about it, we can easily support those around us struggling with an eating disorder.Read More
Outside of my covers is a day full of important projects, deadlines, and the insurance debacle. My chest feels tight. My heart pounding. The air in my lungs stiffens. Each inhale feels like there’s a block right in my chest, preventing the air from reaching my lungs.Read More
I began returning to my friends, work, and social outings. I was out of treatment- so people just assumed everything was great. I heard a lot of “I’m so glad you’re all better”.
It just makes me chuckle, that’s not how mental health works. It’s not a cold. You don’t pop a pill take a rest and you’re “all set” after a week.Read More
The eating disorder is constantly pushing you to “Be the best at having an eating disorder”….what does that even mean? Be the best at having no life, counting calories and nearly dying? Apparently so.
But anytime I do something pro-recovery, like completing my meal plan or not spending 2+ hours at the gym, the competitive eating disorder voice chirps: “You’re not being good enough at your eating disorder. You need to try harder [at having an eating disorder]”Read More
Now it just really pisses me off. I guess my fuse has gotten short. Denying my eating disorder is denying all the pain and suffering I have gone through. It is denying my experience, my emotions, and my thoughts. And it sure as hell is denying the 10,000 hours of therapy and treatment I’ve put in.Read More