A Letter to Myself

Repost from WEGO Health HAWMC

 

Alright so I have to make up for day 3 as well as day 4. Yupp…3 days in I didn’t last. But oh well, had to listen to my body and I needed rest.

So day 3 was to free write about a quote.

I love quotes. I have a whole journal of quotes I’ve collected, yet I couldn’t think of any quotes! (and I was too lazy to go upstairs and get my journal). I have however been weirdly impacted by Sia’s new song “The Greatest” so yupp.. I’m using lyrics! I’m sure everyone has their own interpretations of the song and who knows if I’m interpreting it right at all.

“I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive. I’m free to be the greatest here tonight, the greatest.”

To me, these words are a reminder that being alive is enough of a reason to be the greatest version of yourself. You don’t need to be skinnier, you don’t need to be smarter, and you don’t need to be better to be the greatest. You, as you are now, are the greatest version of YOU. So own it.

“Uh-oh, running out of breath, but Oh, I, I got stamina. Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes. Well, oh, I got stamina.And uh-oh, I see another mountain to climb.But I, I, I got stamina””

Ok so between all the “oh-oh”‘s are some words that remind me of the process of recovery. That it’s friggen hard and everyday requires 110% effort. It’s not something you can half ass because you’re tired on a Monday morning. It’s full effort, everyday or it’s a slippery slope back into the eating disorder. This week has been nutty for a lot of different reasons and yes as I sit on my couch I am out of breathe but I will not be stopped. I have stamina and I will continue to keep fighting. Every few weeks there is another mountain to climb. A set back that shakes my world. But I have stamina. I feel like I’ve been running a marathon every since I left treatment, it’s super tiring, but I guess we could say I’m in good enough shape now that I’m able to keep up. I have tasted what life without an eating disorder can be like and it is just plain awesome and I’m working for it. I have such a drive now that I have gotten a glimpse of what it could be. I will get there because oh oh I got stamina;)

Alright so Day 4, write a letter to myself on the first day of my diagnosis. 

Hmmm..this is tricky. I started treatment in February of this year and was discharged in the end of April. Everything is still really new and to be honest I haven’t wrapped my head around the whole process yet.

I suppose I would first say don’t freak out at the therapist. Don’t assume she is just telling you you need intensive treatment just to get more money in the system. You are sick enough to get help. You need help. You deserve help.

I would tell myself to trust myself and to be patient. That answers take time to uncover. That things will start to shift but to stay calm and have faith that they are leading to something I won’t want to miss. To not cry over being forced to eat 2 slices of pizza because one day, you’ll be eating a whole pizza with your boyfriend. To not have so much anxiety over not being able to workout because you will find yoga and it will change your life. To trust the meal plan because the nutritionists actually know what they are doing even though you think they’re just out to make you fat.

To listen to your gut because you’re right more times than you think. To trust yourself because you are capable and you can do whatever you set your mind to. To be open to everything even if it seems scary. To remember that you cannot drink as much as your friends because you have zero tolerance since you never went out in college. Zero.

xoxo

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