Today is hard.
I’m not too sure why.
Actually I am. I’m facing lots of stressors.
My coworker just tragically died. She was so young. It still so surreal. My heart is so heavy. Work is too weird without her.
I’m also dealing with insurance trying to build a new outpatient team because I’m pretty sure I’m a few weeks away from a tough time. As always, dealing with insurance is the most absolutely overwhelming and exhausting thing.
It’s also noon and I haven’t eaten my breakfast yet. I know I need to eat. It’s just been hard the last week.
Just eat Kristen. Just eat some damn yogurt.
I can’t seem to get out of bed. I’m not depressed. It’s my anxiety.
Outside of my covers is a day full of important projects, deadlines, and the insurance debacle. My chest feels tight. My heart pounding. The air in my lungs stiffens. Each inhale feels like there’s a block right in my chest, preventing the air from reaching my lungs.
My mom calls. I’m a total bitch on the phone. She has no idea why. I’m short with her. She obviously feels attacked, rightly so. We hang up.
Get up Kristen.
I pull myself up. Start going through the motions of the day. My arms tingling, my fingers numb. The air just feels so heavy. I can’t do today.
But as life has recently reminded me, life is a gift.
Acknowledge and act.
So I wrote this blog. A purge of feelings-
Another email just popped up with more deadlines for today. My chest tightens.
Focus Kristen. Acknowledge and act.
I wrote this blog- a purge of feelings. I’m now listening to a rad playlist and I’m going to light some incense and do a nice juicy yoga flow.
We must do what’s right not what’s easy in these moments.
It’s easy to stay in my bed and hide from the world. It’s easy to completely shut down and surrender to the overwhelming feelings of anxiety and worry.
But every day is a gift. I’m not saying you need to run around with rainbows and butterflies. But try. Recovery does not work unless you do.
Put the work in, make the time. I have no doubt I will still feel some anxiety after my flow and mediation, but I know it will clear my mind allowing me to operate with a more open mind.
It doesn’t have to be yoga- although I highly recommend it. But find something that calms you, brings you peace.
The choice is always yours. Whenever I’m in a situation I repeat this mantra: Do what’s right, not what’s easy.