making sense of Recovery
The ARC framework is basically a game changer for anyone’s mental health. In the first year of recovery, my medical team consistently encouraged me to implement the ARC framework but I obviously never listened thinking they were stupid. But by year 2, I finally realized just how important ARCs can be. ARC’s are a mental […]
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If my body wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t hot enough. Pretty enough. Funny Enough. Kind Enough. Smart enough. Fun enough. No matter what we achieved, nothing was enough.
So this is how we went on, for almost a decade, overworking me physically and abusing me mentally.
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I’m feeling lost today. Heavy (emotionally and physically). I had an extraordinary summer. I spent the majority of spring in treatment and found myself living a new life come June. I was social, I had friends, I went out, I ate and I drank and I wore a damn bathing suit like everyday! #lakelyfe I […]
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I’m sitting here on this lovely Monday afternoon rattled with thoughts. I have an increasingly strong desire to eat some ice-cream only to purge. Honestly I’ve been planning it for the last 24 hours. One of my top recovery wins has been trying ice-cream again after 5 or so years and holy shit ice-cream is […]
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A year ago, if you were to tell me I’d one day choose yoga over weight lifting I’d laugh in your face and quite honestly tell you to beep off. Years ago I had a therapist tell me I may not like working out, that my eating disorder was the one who liked working out […]
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Today I am done. I am not strong enough to fight my inner demons. The eating disorder has the upper hand today. I need to eat. It’s 4pm, my head is pounding and my body feels weak. Eat. The logical thing to do is eat. But I don’t feel hungry. That’s the scariest part. I […]
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For all the men thinking woman are complicated, an eating disorder makes her 50x more complicated. There is absolutely no doubt relationships in recovery are hard. Time and time again I hear my therapist say “I see lots of relationships end during recovery, you just find out who you truly are and realize it doesn’t work […]
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I’ve been asked how my recovery journey started and the answer is simple: Ethan Rogge. This man deserves a noble peace prize for the shit I have dragged him through, and yet almost 3 years later he is still holding my hand. Yes, he is my boyfriend but he is so much more than that. […]
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I’ve now learned what life can be like without an eating disorder. It’s precious, it’s beautiful and it’s certainly awakening. But every once in awhile a bad day comes along, and if I’m being honest, it’s been more like a bad month. But I know how much better life is without my eating disorder.
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I am. Such a powerful statement to me. My mantra, really. The first year of recovery was really about food and working out. Learning to eat bread twice a week without taking a box of laxatives or solely going to yoga rather than hitting the gym for 2 hours first. These innate behaviors were […]
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