Now it just really pisses me off. I guess my fuse has gotten short. Denying my eating disorder is denying all the pain and suffering I have gone through. It is denying my experience, my emotions, and my thoughts. And it sure as hell is denying the 10,000 hours of therapy and treatment I’ve put in.
Even years into recovery, those struggling with an eating disorder will struggle with meals. These are my go to tips when I myself am finding it to be a challenge to get through my meal
Like many sufferers, those with eating disorders may go in and out of treatment through out their life. Eating disorders are a lifelong battle and treatment is aimed at learning to cope with it. If I’m being honest, I think 90% of the time we leave treatment it’s actually because our insurance is no longer willing to cover it- not that we are “all better”.
For so long, I denied the idea that anything I was doing was unhealthy. Sure I was overdosing on laxatives, throwing up, overdoing it at the gym- but I didn’t look super skinny so didn’t “earn” the title of having an eating disorder.
The ARC framework is basically a game changer for anyone’s mental health. In the first year of recovery, my medical team consistently encouraged me to implement the ARC framework but I obviously never listened thinking they were stupid. But by year 2, I finally realized just how important ARCs can be. ARC’s are a mental […]
If my body wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t hot enough. Pretty enough. Funny Enough. Kind Enough. Smart enough. Fun enough. No matter what we achieved, nothing was enough.
So this is how we went on, for almost a decade, overworking me physically and abusing me mentally.
I’m feeling lost today. Heavy (emotionally and physically). I had an extraordinary summer. I spent the majority of spring in treatment and found myself living a new life come June. I was social, I had friends, I went out, I ate and I drank and I wore a damn bathing suit like everyday! #lakelyfe I […]
I’m sitting here on this lovely Monday afternoon rattled with thoughts. I have an increasingly strong desire to eat some ice-cream only to purge. Honestly I’ve been planning it for the last 24 hours. One of my top recovery wins has been trying ice-cream again after 5 or so years and holy shit ice-cream is […]
A year ago, if you were to tell me I’d one day choose yoga over weight lifting I’d laugh in your face and quite honestly tell you to beep off. Years ago I had a therapist tell me I may not like working out, that my eating disorder was the one who liked working out […]
Today I am done. I am not strong enough to fight my inner demons. The eating disorder has the upper hand today. I need to eat. It’s 4pm, my head is pounding and my body feels weak. Eat. The logical thing to do is eat. But I don’t feel hungry. That’s the scariest part. I […]