People > Stairmaster

I’m starting to finally want to go out, I want to dance, I want to hang out with other people, I want to have fun! But oh shit…I have no friends. Yup, I’m owning it. I’m not even apologizing- because it happens ALL THE TIME to people with eating disorders. Isolation is huge, the body becomes priority […]

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ED 101: 5 Things You’re Talking About That Derail Recovery

For a long time, I tried to ‘deal’ with peoples’ comments about food, weight, the gym, my body, others’ bodies, etc. Actually, during my eating disorder, I would hear certain comments and shut down, get pissed or completely isolate without really even realizing. In treatment, I gained the awareness that these comments were triggering, but I […]

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With Breakdowns Come Breakthroughs

It’s terrifying when the eating disorder tries to take back control. Recently, I noticed my face was looking fat. I have never focused on my face, I’ve never really worried about it being fat, and yet as I went to snapchat my friend I became fixated on how round my face was. When I finally […]

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ED 101: The Basics

So for those who are completely new to the world of eating disorders, whether you’re a support trying to learn and be there for your loved one or you simply are just trying to educate yourself- there are some basic words we use in the eating disorder community that you’ll hear fairly often. 1. ED- […]

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Recovery: Am I ever going to get better?

It’s one of those nights where one thought happens and spirals to a million negative thoughts leaving me the scariest questions of all: Am I ever going to get better?   In a moment I can become lost in just how deeply the eating disorders weaved itself into every thought, decision, and aspect of my […]

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Nights Out with an Eating Disorder (or lack of)

You see a night out with friends. A chance to let loose, have a drink, enjoy good company and finally time to relax and have fun!  You look forward to catching up, seeing old friends, laughing and even dancing! I on the other hand, only see the paralyzing anxiety. You see, social events with an […]

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Going to the Gym with an Eating Disorder

It’s hard to believe the gym was once my safe haven. A place I would spend hours, visit multiple times a day, and felt my happiest at. The amount of old men gym friends I’ve acquired the past 8 years is unheard of it. To be honest, I have more 80 year old friends than friends […]

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ED 101: The ED Voice

Well first off, ED stands for eating disorder. It may seem obvious but I promise you, to many it’s not (and that’s okay I am not shitting on them, it takes experience to know it!)   So back to ED 101- what is the eating disorder voice? Generally, all us cool kids in therapy have […]

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The Night Before the Beach…

It’s a terrifying situation- I mean a. being social is still a new thing for me and b. I’m going to be half naked. But recovery is all about challenges and breakthroughs. If I don’t face this now, I’m never going to get better and five years from now, I will still be brainstorming excuses to get out of  beach days with my friends. 

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I am grateful for my eating disorder

As I move through recovery, each day is just adding more awareness, forcing me to explore more parts of the subconscious. That’s what this all is: it’s breaking down old thoughts and foundations and recreating new thoughts, a new mindset, a new life.

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