Like many sufferers, those with eating disorders may go in and out of treatment through out their life. Eating disorders are a lifelong battle and treatment is aimed at learning to cope with it. If I’m being honest, I think 90% of the time we leave treatment it’s actually because our insurance is no longer willing to cover it- not that we are “all better”.Read More
For so long, I denied the idea that anything I was doing was unhealthy. Sure I was overdosing on laxatives, throwing up, overdoing it at the gym- but I didn’t look super skinny so didn’t “earn” the title of having an eating disorder.Read More
If my body wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t hot enough. Pretty enough. Funny Enough. Kind Enough. Smart enough. Fun enough. No matter what we achieved, nothing was enough.
So this is how we went on, for almost a decade, overworking me physically and abusing me mentally.Read More
I’m sitting here on this lovely Monday afternoon rattled with thoughts. I have an increasingly strong desire to eat some ice-cream only to purge. Honestly I’ve been planning it for the last 24 hours. One of my top recovery wins has been trying ice-cream again after 5 or so years and holy shit ice-cream is […]Read More
For all the men thinking woman are complicated, an eating disorder makes her 50x more complicated. There is absolutely no doubt relationships in recovery are hard. Time and time again I hear my therapist say “I see lots of relationships end during recovery, you just find out who you truly are and realize it doesn’t work […]Read More
I’ve been asked how my recovery journey started and the answer is simple: Ethan Rogge. This man deserves a noble peace prize for the shit I have dragged him through, and yet almost 3 years later he is still holding my hand. Yes, he is my boyfriend but he is so much more than that. […]Read More
I’ve now learned what life can be like without an eating disorder. It’s precious, it’s beautiful and it’s certainly awakening. But every once in awhile a bad day comes along, and if I’m being honest, it’s been more like a bad month. But I know how much better life is without my eating disorder.Read More
I am. Such a powerful statement to me. My mantra, really. The first year of recovery was really about food and working out. Learning to eat bread twice a week without taking a box of laxatives or solely going to yoga rather than hitting the gym for 2 hours first. These innate behaviors were […]Read More
Because really, when I weighed less I was not happy.
I was lonely. I was exhausted. I was depressed. I was hungry.Read More
For a long time, I tried to ‘deal’ with peoples’ comments about food, weight, the gym, my body, others’ bodies, etc. Actually, during my eating disorder, I would hear certain comments and shut down, get pissed or completely isolate without really even realizing. In treatment, I gained the awareness that these comments were triggering, but I […]Read More